~ my life witout me~

I don’t know if you’re pushing me away or pulling me closer
I don’t know where I stand
I don’t know what you want from me
Or if you care at all

In the fading windows to your soul
i can see that you've just let me go
your eyes they lie , but i know u have tried.
and put up with my weakness and sad pathetic lies.
please don't miss understand ! I'd never do you no wrong
but i,m lost and still seeking a place to belong.


with the final flick of your good bye wave
i want to cry but i have to be brave
the door ,closed ..the door CLOSED
there so much i need but i cant be exposed
please don't miss understand! i,m gonna miss u like mad
but i need to be happy before i feel sad ...

the loneliness that ive saw..even in ur smile n laughter...
n that loneliness .....is the main reason..why i lost in u..
ur loneliness n ur sorrowness pulled me...
im so lost without u..i was so lost..
i used to b so good in describing bout "LOVE"..
but now ive nothing to say...
please don't miss understand ! I'd never do you no harm

but i need the storm before I'll be calm
I can’t read minds
I don’t know where I stand
Are you pushing me away
Or are you going to finally let me in


gosh this is not so meeeeeee..help! help!

eRkKkkK....

salam....olaa..
this week is the glorious week-in-between rotations..hehe
which means no responsibilities..no studying..no NOTHING!
ohh how it makes me happy..hehe

last week i m so shattered...answering my OSCE with dazed expression...huhu
but alhamdulillah..at least ive gone thru  the entire exams..~which i hate most~~
btw...next week ive to start doing "another" clinicals for 3 weeks...
errrrr.....again??? clinicals?? n 3 weeks some more....erm
its ok by the way...coz i really "ENJOY" doing clinicals...
"esp" in Ipoh GH..owao..so much enjoyable ~~what a pure fake expression~~huhu..good though...doing clinicals without tense..i mean exam is over..so i assume that i ll b more "FOCUS" this time ..

but what im so sure is...me n my friend will surely spent 50% of our time loitering at the cafe or hospimart..
doing window shopping n spent most of our money there...haha...

alrite thats all for now...
net is too sloww..as im at home..the coverage wasnt good at all..
to complete this post ive got bout 5 times dc...lots of fun huh??
heeee

im still aiveeeee!!!

salam to all..

cant believe im still breathing...alhamdulillah :)
yesterday is my last written paper.....eushhh no comment....
pretty tough though..hmm

after freaking out about studying, not studying, freaking out, tests, etc,

the written exams is over and i feel fine! granted,
i didn't make an A, but i know i didn't make an F either!
yay!!! breathe a big sigh of relief.
woo! and i didn't do an all-nighter either. oh yeah.

so today...i woke up a bit late....10.30 am..hahah..abit???
lazying myself...taking "mi sedap megi goreng" n an apple as my branch...
its a gr8 way to reward myself for nothing..hehehe

but alas...not too much partying for this...because clinical assesment is on monday..
kinda nervous...i hate this feelin..u know..
gtg..n grab sumthin to read for the test...

ciaowwww...

LeTs GiV Diz A tRY..... specially uploaded utk insan2 yg tension!! hee

Berani?? cube lah....hehe...
try then giv me the results...
it is very effective...

tRoubLe wItH ........

5 days left to finish my clinicals here...
happy but sad too...lots of memories n experienced..
n ....at the same time final exams is just around the corner..
n...completing my bunch of assignment is another matter..
so everything makes me stressful..

gosh i just hav 2 weeks to do my revision for finals.
shud i hope 4 a good marks?? hahhaa
u wishhhh....
but im still hoping for a little miracle...heheh -atleast for pass marks-hihi

everything is still undercontrol..
coz i ve few people who always giv me support n nvr lemme down..
my parents ,my love..
coz of them im still here today..hehe..


uff...i suppose to complete my assignmentsssssss...(plural of "s" coz ive a lottt )
erkk..
*now doing component for angiography*hehe
raining heavily~~~n it makes me soooooooo sleepppyyyyy...
assignment...assignment......cepat la abissss...

~L0Ve Of a FatHeR~~ dedicated utk sume anak2..

From father to beloved son...



Dear son...

the day that u see me old..hav patience and try to understand me..
If I get dirty when eating...If I cannot dress..hav patience..
Remember the hours i spent teaching to u..



If, when i speak to u, I repeat the same things thousand n one times...do not interrupt me..listen to me...
when u were small,I had to read to u the same story a thousand times until u slept..



When I do not want to hav a shower, neither shame me nor scold me...
Remember when I had to chase u with a thousand excuses I invented, in order to bath u..



When u see my ignorance on new technologies .. giv me the neseccary time n dont look at me with ur mocking smile...
I taught u how to do so many things..to eat good,to dress well..to confront life..



When at some moment I loose the memory or thread of our conversation....let me hav necessary time to remember..n if I cannot do it dont become nervous
As the most important thing isnt my conversation but surely to b with u n to hav u listening to me..



If I ever dont want to eat,dont force me..
I know well when I need to and when not..



When my tired legs do not allow me to walk...
giv me ur hand..the same way I did when u gav ur first steps..



And when someday I say to u that i dont wanna live anymore, that i wanna die..
dont get angry..coz some day u ll understand,..
try to understand that my age isnt to live but SURVIVED..



Some day u ll discover that, despite my mistakes,i always wanted the best thing 4 u
n that I tried to prepare the way 4 u..
U must not feel sad, angry or impotent 4 seeing me near u..
U must b next to me,trying to understand me n to help me as I did it when u started living..



Help me to walk ..help me to end my way with love n patience..
I will pay u by the smile n by the immense love I hav always had 4 u..



My beloved son...I began loving u b4 u were even born.
Will u continue to remember me long after im gone??
If i was given a choice..I would surely die 4 u..
but will u live 4 me?

I LOVE U....



p/s: LEts pun in a prayer 4 them :)



love u mum..love u dad

u r so cruel........

how could u....
why u do this to them...to the people that i love most..
to the people that i care most..
i still cant find the reason y...
they trust u...
this is not the first or second chance..i just cant remember how much u hav been forgiven..
when u will stop??
everytime u hurt their feelings..u hurted mine too..
u hav been given everything u want...

but what is actually u want??
u leave when u want to b free..but u came back when u need something...
u captivate everyone..
its such a splendid acting..
this wounds wonts seems to heal..
this pain is just too real.
they held ur hand through all of these years..
but u still....
dont hurt them anymore...
i cant see even a teardrops fall from their cheeks.
the way u humiliate them..
the pain that u gave....it was really unbelievable..till the time cannot erase those pain.
its painfull..really painfull..

i wud give u my life....to wipe their tears..
but pls..dont hurt them anymore..
enough is enough..

if u knew how painful it is......its unexplainable...
Ya Allah..help me to overcome this feelings....
coz im still waiting...
waiting for the time when i can get back their pleasent smile...