6 years living and survivng with SM/CM...

 its been a year after my post surgery..
and 6 years living and surviving with SM/CM...and im still breathing!! alhamdulilah..being diagnosed with Syringomyelia with Chiari Malformation..life isnt that easy...
everything was change..im not the same person 6 years back..when i was 16..
yes..its been 6 years im suffering from SM/CM...seriously as a normal person,sometimes i do feel so down ..
i cant jump and run and play like i used to be..
im started to think will i be able to get marry?...whats my future will be...?
not even a day i can live without pain..im not whining.. i know there must be a reason why god chose me..
its pretty tough to make pple understand bout my disease..and its not acutally a disease, it is an abnomal disorder..which is...unable to be cured..
but for some people,they think that im exaggerating.. 
i do feel scared to think bout my future...but for now..i m trying to make myself happy..
i hang out with my family and friends.. avoiding myself to think that im sick
i tried.. but having pain everyday....makes me feel terrible sometimes.. 
but i will be strong..


im so lucky..i hav a very understanding ,caring dad..
he is the one who always encourage me..he can actually know whenever im not feeling well..
mum n dad..there's something i cant say face to face..
thank you for doing so much for me..
thank you for always encouraging me..
and for always being by my side..thank you..
im SO SORRY for all the troubles and worries...

everyday im fighting against myself...

Even with all this pain and drama, stress and trauma..... I am blessed mom n dad ,THANK YOU..and im sorry i cant give anything in return...

at some point.....

im not asking u to take my pain away..neither to stay by my side n take care of me...
but i just want u to understand....atleast....
reality is too cruel...too brutal... n im not strong enough to face it :((

its bout to over~~~

salam...
its been awhile i didnt update my blog..well..kinda busy ..but now totally free..hehee
tmrow is my last day...im going into a new phase of my life.....
a phase where i hav to be more stronger...wiser...n know how to deal everythin by myself..
im 22!! im still young to be an employee..huhu
i want to stay as a student...forever...i ll miss lecturer hall...notes n books ..even i dun really like it previously..heee
rite now im not sure wheather i can do it or not...still waiting for my final year result...will i pass my clinical exams? im pretty sure bout written paper.. insyaAllah..hopefully i ll pass..coz theres few pple who keep praying for me..for all this while...credits to all of them...
~ thanks to my parents who always support..n understanding...
~ thanks for someone who hav to pick up my call at late nite just bcoz to tell im nervous for my next paper..huhu..sorry n thnx..it happen in every semester...my heart-warmer ^_^

last bt not least.............................
saturday im going homeee..for a week....then will come back for a week....for induction.....
then will ve a long vacation...
so sleppy.....valate...
nyte 2 all...
salam..

Did You Ever Love Somebody................

Did you ever love somebody?

So much that the earth moved...Even though it hurt to....Nothing else your heart could do ...
Did you ever love somebody? .....Who never knew
Did you ever lay your head down On the shoulder of a good friend ....And then had to look away somehow
Had to hide the way you felt for them ....Have you ever prayed the day would come
You'd hear them say they feel it too
Did you ever love someone? .......Who never knew

And if you did .....Well you know I'd understand

That doesnt make it any easier =(

nite shift is not that bad..but mostly MVA cases..
lets recap bout last nite..shall we? hee
-theres a patient 14 y.o jump from the school gate~broke his tibia if im not mistaken..
- then MVa case of course ade "mat rempit" he got spiral fracture..
he was yelling like hell when we tried to position his leg..

9pm to 7am..was ok...i mean thru my first experienced..
the gr8 thing is ..xpyh nak face muke diorg***** ..hee
but things will b back to normal next week..
 today : 7am / 23rd feb..
shifts overrr...come back to my room...
then i sleeeept. cardinal rule of being on call is sleep when you can. and i got a shower in already. sleeeeeeppppp till 11am..huhuh..
n now im sitting here...surfing the net ,blogging..kinda boring..plus with the hot weather..
pheww..
cant wait to get back to work :) hoho..plastik nyeee...

last week i had a terrible week...awful..
my granny is sick..shes now in ICU..then another bunch of prob...
i cant even explain how much bad it is..
hopefully this week will hav a better one..
now thinking bout lunch...still craving for "pau inti kelape" + hot barly..
i took green apple n a biscuit for bf..
ouh ive youghurt in the fridge..which i bought last 2 weeks i think ..
so thats my lunch..hisk3..theres lots of restaurent around here but the weather is too hot..
its burning my skin..haihh..ni baru panas dunia =(

im waiting for this friday...n free weekends

ok gtg..ciaoww..

p/s : i miss someone sooooooooo badly...i just dont know what to do....=''(

what i need ..what i want..

life is like travelling..
like from a place to another..diff challenge n toubles..
bad n sweet memories..
Life is like a road trip to the beach. You wish that you could stay longer but just like life everything has to come to an end at sometime or another. As you begin your long journey not knowing what to expect..
im also thinking bout my own journey..
The unpredictability's of life and not knowing what is to come, give you a As you pack the trunk of your car
 with all the essential items that you might need trying not to forget anything that could be
useful for this long but to short trip.
Anything that you do during this road trip will determine the rest of your life..
i need few stuff to bring with..
i need  BAG...a nice travel bag..
which is
~~~ Hugable..
~~~comfortable..
~~~ n cute too...
~~~ a bag that can giv anything i need..
~~that can fulfil my dreams..
~~~ who never let me downn support me
u noe wat i mean..
i need it one in my life...amin:)

theres sumthin to b proud of :)

salam.guess what...hari ni berjaya menahan diri dari pegi shopping kat JJ..wheeee
even some pple try to influence me..huk3
its such a big achivement ~ big grin~
good start huh??
big clap ! big clap!

the true love~~

oh muslimah...dont worry bout ur life partner..

bcoz a wise intelligent muslimin wont love a
women due to her outer beauty,
or how sweet her smile..
or how cute her talk n the way she pempered him,
or a women that can break his imaan..




n thats the only leader for a muslimah..
n if He isnt with u yet...n didnt exist in ur life yet,
u hav to assume that the guy u waiting for is
building up his leadership n
imaan to guide u
bcoz in every women there must b weakness .
.n the right guy will come to
complete the uncertainity..

little tiny tears......hmmm

im feelin so sad now..

hmm..
ive nothing to say...no words can describe my feelings..
i need to keep myself busy to heal this mess..
im happy + sad + mad..huuu huuu
ok my brain hurting n i must sleep..
Valete! ciaooooww..

Jump baby jump!!

hi..salam sume..
hav u ever feel like flying without wings?
cewah..ttibe je ber philosophy..
i wanna do that!! leave all those probs n jumppp..(td kate fly) errkk

k leave it..
this sem..means my final year..weee
not so excited bout it
only 2 written paper but........its involving the whole things that ive learn since my first year..
its really tough...with no clues..
actually its not too late to wish everyone a hapy new year..

n twenty-ten shud b a good one:

n this year im expecting to :

1) cut my expenses on shoes n handbags ( what a tough new year resolution!!) this is the worst part..
ive tried to avoid the "red modani" shoe shop..my fav spot to buy my dream shoes.
u know wat..i might collect n save lots of money if i can stop my self to buy those shoes n hadbags.ufff
2) hopefully i can gain my pointers...i mean cgpa...wanna go further..dont wanna spent rest of my life in the medical imaging department forever..
3) to study :D heeee..this sem is the most tough sem ever..OSCE n OSPE will keep my soul away.. so ive to study ..but did i mention..i hate study n stress..
4) Dont b nervous to hav all the info that will cram into my poor brain..read more informative forums..ya i know im super-nerd in reading forums..hee
5)im going to figure out wat i wanna do in the rest of my life..


its kinda daunting wen i think bout it but i learned a lot bout myself in 2009:

1) i can survive here for about 2 n half years
2) this world is too cruel..
3) actually im a good sister..huu...i an giv gr8 advise to my siblings.hee hee heee
4) i knew that im kinda strong person...owaoo..
5) Dont easily trust people..coz they ll step u from ur back! nowadays thers lots of 2-sides faces pple..hippocryte!!

25 RULES OF BEING CLOSE TO ALLAH..InsyaAllah

Then which of the favours of your Lord will you deny?” [Surah ar-Rahman; 55:13]

1. Start off each day with ‘adhkaar al-istiyqaadh’ (waking up Supplications), thanking Allah for waking up in good shape.

2. Put Allah first in your life.

3. Broaden your horizons - learn 5 new verses from the Quran every day, travel to pray far in the mosque to brighten your day,take up a booklet having supplications and read them.

4. Pray Salaat Al-dhuhaa (after sunrise).

5. If someone says something mean; to you, just shrug it off and dismiss it in a friendly, laidback manner, and pray that Allah shall forgive them.

6. When you get angry, remember Allah, and how short and worthless life is to waste in being Angry.

7. Remember that you can never have too many friends, but you can have few quality friends that help you fulfill the purpose of your creation (i.e. live for Allah).

8. When you’re happy, try to share your happiness with others. Thank Allah for that, and pray its continuation.

9. When something bad or embarrassing happens to you, just think that it could always be worse, remember the reward of patience, and thank Allah that it’s not worse than it is.

10. Do something extra of goodness once in a while, like feeding a poor person, or caressing an orphan’s head.

11. Never stop believing that you can win Allah’s love and thus work For it. Then you can win the love of Allah’s slaves.

12. Spend some time thinking of Allah’s amazing creation.

13. Always love those who love Allah unconditionally. This way you will ensure that you live for Him, love for Him, and hate for Him(those who are enemies of Him).

14. Find the righteous ways to express yourself, and if you think that what you are about to say shall cause no benefit, maintain silence (this is tough!!).

15. Every now and then, give yourself a break. Play sports, give time to your family, friends, but always remember Allah and watch that He is watching you.

16. Pray for blessing to come to those being lost, and pray to Allah to guide them to the right path.

17. Hug your parents, kiss their hands and heads and always obey but stop at Allah’s orders.


18. Smile to everyone, for your smile makes a big difference to him or her and you are rewarded.
19. Forgive, forget and smile.

20. Tears are not for women only… tears are for all human beings with feelings remaining in them. Don’t restrain your tears when remembering Allah.

21. When people criticize your actions and effort, revise your actions and see if they please Allah or no. If they do; then ignore and remember how the Prophet (SAW) and the Sahabah were criticized, made fun of and even physically harmed, so have patience.

22. Read the Qur’an daily and try to have a schedule for completing it as much as you could. As you open the Qur’an daily, read with observing not just passing your eyes through the words.

23. Don’t let popularity go to your head, for it never lasts and you may lose from it more than gain.

24. Never look down on anybody, for, to Allah, they may be better than you.


25. Spreading this message to the Ummahs with the intention of having a healthy society living for Allah and pray.

Got stung by bee.......:(( :(( :((

ouch...it damn painful.
i got stung by a bee!! pastu trus g hospitaldgn muke yg bengkak..merah n puffy..
my fren said my lips was like JLO ..hahah..
then i went to a clinic..Dr, Gus?? haha..comel x name die?? heeee
pastu..kne inject laa ape lg..
but the worst part is..got numbness,itchy all ove the body..even though kne stung kat tgn jer
Dr. GUSti hehe ..told me that i may get pneumonia kalo lmbt..ish3..x sangke kan..few bites from a bee can brought dat kinda effect.
actually it depends on the person..maybe anbodi ak x kuat ..n the toxin that speard all over the body also affected the lungs... means few persons their lungs cant really tolerate with the toxin ..
but today alhamdulillah la...getting better..muke pun dah x de puffy puffy JLO lg dah..huhuh
the worst itchy day ever...erghh

at the end of the day.........

when the day comes...

when our m0uth will b lock..

n theres no single word..

when the day comes..

theres no voice...from our mouth..



then...our hand will tell...what it had done...

then..our leg will tell..everystep it had went..

n we dont know when is the time...the time when we hav to

b responsible...

but it will come..definetly